Sunday, March 30, 2003

What's George Bush selling in Taiwan?

An incomplete list of things I've bought in
Taiwan, new, that have broken after a few
months of use, or less:
> A coffee maker
> A wireless mouse
> An oscillating fan
> A floor lamp
> A CD-recorder
> A portable cassette player
> An electric hair-trimmer
> An electric bug-swatter

Saturday, March 29, 2003

Where do mosquitoes hide during the day?
How is it you can go all around your house,
banging on the furniture, upturning your clothes
racks, and generally making a mess, and still
not find them? But at 8:00 p.m. they come
out hunting for you?

In Taiwan, you can buy a thing that looks like
a tennis racket, but is, in fact, a bug zapper.
I never saw one of these back in the states, but
it's great fun. Very satisfying to kill a bug with this
thing. Not so satisfying to step on, though. You
can feel the electricity coming out your fingertips.

Friday, March 28, 2003

A clarification:
J.R. didn't make me drink the beer. I drank
the beer so I could manage being in a room
with an Englishman, an Irishman, and a
German, playing classic rock.

Also, typing when you're drunk is a lot like
reading when you're drunk. Bad idea.

And finally, a brief complaint:

You may not know this, but babies make
excellent shields. Perhaps the Iraqis will
try this, but I am, sadly, referring to the
Taiwanese people who drive recklessly on
their scooters while toting their kids around
on the front, or back, with no helmets.

It's almost like they're thinking, "I can run this
red light. You won't hit me. I've got a baby. So
fuck off and slow down."

Fortunately, of all the accident sites I've driven by
(which average about 3 a week), I've never seen
injured kids. I have seen an old lady out cold in the
middle of an intersection, though. Apparently being
old doesn't confer any special "look out for me"

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Way druink.
Man, those Irish people can hold their liquor.
This is really hard.
Now, in addition to the English bloke, and
the German guy, there's an Irishman in our
band. We're playing on the weekend to
celebrate the pub's closing. Or something.

I had 4 beer while we were practicing, and
then the Englishman told me I had to go to
his new pub to have another. I just can't put
up with that shit. JR, you hear me? where did
you get that hold-your-liquor thing?

So. The irishman, the german, and the
englsihman are going to play "sweet home
alabama." and i'm not even singing. i feel
like i should keep my american-----ness secret
these days. don't want to piss anynoe off...
shit.... this is too fucking hard. press delete....
edit your mistake.s t,. ejklhfgkdfhsgkfsh
keatjkdfghsxcvmb xg

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Something very strange is going on.
Ok, well a great many strange things are
going on, but this one is personally strange.
I just updated my website for the first time
in about a year, and when i took a look at
it, the counter was at some ridiculous number
like 10,774. I know it was in the very low
hundreds the last time I checked, so either
I've accumulated a lot of fans, so something
is seriously fucked up. Of course, it looks
much better that way, when my 2 friends look
at it, so I think I'll just leave it for the time being.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Tuesdays are good. Wednesdays are bad.
Why that should be, I have no idea. On
Tuesdays, I can wake up with a smile on
my face. On Wednesdays, I wake up
after a dream that I was holding a big rock
in my hand, waiting to hit the guy that
was chasing me and saying "Get over
here, fag!"

I didn't stay asleep long enough to see if
I got him.

Monday, March 24, 2003

There are many disadvantages to watching the Oscars on TV
in Taiwan. Here are a couple of them:

1. If you want to watch them in the evening (i.e. not skip work
to watch them live in the morning), you already know who
won, even if you try to avoid the internet all day.
2. You've never heard of a lot of the movies, because the
Taiwanese only pick up the blockbusters. So we'll be sure
to see "Men in Black II" but not "The Pianist."
3. You already know Michael Moore is going to get booed
by pro-war movie stars.
4. The commercials are for Taiwan-made air conditioners,
bottled iced tea, and believe it or not, Liv Tyler selling
something called "Lux Super Rich"

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Today's Chinese Lesson:

"Wo bu yao zai ni de ji cheng che li si diao le"
"I don't want to die in your taxi."

Of course, failing that, there are lots of other things you could
do to communicate this message, and be understood without any
language at all. Diving to the floorboard would work, or very pointedly
fastening your seatbelt while giving him an evil look.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

Well, what the hell. Let's give this a shot.

Yesterday, went to the mountains for a strange combination
all-you-can-eat BBQ/hot springs soak. I think it's a bad
idea to get in the hot springs after drinking, but, well, why not?

Came home late at night, to watch the war on CNN. It's
okay, I guess, but I think I'm starting to wish they'd mention
some other things going on in the world. Like this.

Don't forget your vitamins!